Physics with Ed and Roy
by Ayumi Elric
Summary: Random comedy oneshot. Ed Elric and Roy Mustang teach the 3 Newton's laws more or less at Roy's expense.


**Random oneshot ho! It's me again, with Chemistry Winry Ed and Roy! Came up with this while spacing out in science class while my teacher talked about……stuff. There is some educational value (NOOOO!!!!) But not much. Enjoy!!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Full Metal Alchemist or Newton's Laws of Motion. Full Metal Alchemist is owned by Hiromu Arakawa. And Newton's Laws of Motion was owned by Sir Isaac Newton (Isaac? snicker) but he's been dead for how many years now? So it's like owned by other scientific dudes. I don't own Youtube either. That's owned by Google now. And the Risembool Rangers are owned by Vic Mignogna, who like, pwns. M.S.A. is owed by some person named Travic….(GAWD, I did not do that on purpose. I saw a V, and an I, and subconsciously I put a C. Keeping it there though, it took like 2 minutes 2 stop typing Travic) Travis SomethingorotherthatisthevoiceofMustang, and are pwned by the Risembool Rangers!! RED DAWN!!!**

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"Hi! Welcome to Physics with Ed and Roy." Ed said, smiling.

"Why the hell do I have to do this?" Roy asked, waving weakly.

"Mustang, don't be rude. Introduce yourself." Ed said, smacking Roy in the head.

"Ow! That hurt dammit!" Roy said, rubbing his sore head.

"Do it." Ed said in an evil voice.

"Okay! I'm Roy Mustang. _Colonel_ Roy Mustang. The Flame Alchemist." Roy said in a flat tone.

"I'm Edward Elric. You all know me. Star of the hit anime Full Metal Alchemist, bishi of the month for the last 8 years, and the soon to be RULER OF THIS WORLD!!! GO FORTH MY RANGER ARMY!!" Ed said, yelling the last part. He laughed maniacally.

"REEEEED DAAAAAAAAAAAAWNN!!!!!" Shouted the Rangers from within the audience.

Roy stared at Ed, sweatdropping.

Ed smiled. "Okay, on with the chemistry! Today we will be teaching you Newton's Laws of Motion." Ed said.

"Yeah, whatever." Roy said, still staring at Ed.

"YAY! NEWTON'S LAWS OF MOTION!!!" The audience yelled.

"Wait, what are Newton's Laws of Motion?" One audience member asked.

"Excellent question." Ed said, beaming at her. "Newton's Laws of Motion were concrete laws that was invented by some guy whose last name was Newton."

"Also the inventor of Fig Newtons." Roy added in.

Ed stared at him. "No you moron. Anyway, there are 3 laws. Let's start with the first law, shall we?"

"YAY!!!!" The audience yelled.

"Okay, the 1st law was called the law of inertia." Mustang said in a bored voice.

"What's inertia?" Another audience member asked.

"Inertia is the tendency of the resistance of an object's movement." Roy explained.

"Huh?" Asked the audience.

"Let me show you." Ed said, as the scenes behind them switched. Ed put a helmet on Roy.

"What the hell Fullmetal?" Roy asked, pulling on the helmet.

"You see, let's say that Mustang was skateboarding." Ed said, pulling a skateboard outta nowhere. He stuck Roy on it and pushed him.

"WAAAAUGH!!!" Roy screamed, throwing his arms out to keep his balance.

"You see that Mustang is moving yes?" Ed asked.

"HAHAHA!!! I'M DOING IT!!" Mustang yelled, skateboarding straight ahead and gaining speed.

The audience nodded.

"Well, lets say we stop the skateboard." Ed said, transmuting a small enough wall so that the skateboard stops.

"AAAAAUGH!!!" Roy screamed as he flew off the skateboard and flew through the air.

"Even though the skateboard has stopped, Mustang will stay in motion. That's inertia." Ed said.

"HEEEEEEEELP MEEEEEE!!!!!" Roy screamed, still flying through the air.

"Which further explains Newton's 1st law. An object that isn't moving will stay not moving, while an object that's moving will keep moving until something stops it." Ed explained.

"Ohhhhhh!!!!!" The audience oh-ed.

"So, to stop Mustang from flying through the air, we need to stop him. Because Newton found out that something won't stop on it's own." Ed said, transmuting a large wall.

Roy crashed into it, and slid down in, unconscious. He landed in a heap on the bottom.

"See? Something stopped him from moving. The wall." Ed said, pointing to the slightly blood stained wall. "And, Mustang won't move until something moves him." Ed said, pointing to Roy.

"WE GET IT!! YAY!!" The audience yelled.

Roy came too, standing up. "That hurt. At least I'm alive." Roy said, taking off his helmet.

"See? Wear your helmet and you're always safe! Ha ha ha!!" Ed laughed.

"Ha ha ha!" The audience laughed.

"Can we just get onto the chemistry?" Roy asked.

"Of course! Next is the 2nd law of motion! It revolves over the equation FMA!" Ed said in a cheerfully tone.

"GASP!!" The audience gasped.

"It stands for Force Mass x Acceleration." Roy said in an annoyed voice.

"Yeah, but it also means Full Metal x Alchemist!" Ed said, laughing.

The audience laughed along with him.

"That's one way to remember! There are 3 different equations. Full Metal x Alchemist, Metal Full divided by Alchemist, and Alchemist Metal divided by Full!" Ed said, winking at the audience.

"It's Force Mass x Acceleration, Mass Force divided by Acceleration, and Acceleration Mass divided by Force." Roy said, folding his arms and smirking from his obviously (not) superior chemistry-ic mind. (probably wrong with the equations)

"Yes, but that's a way to remember!" Ed said, smiling.

"WE STILL DON'T GET IT!" The audience yelled.

"Okay, example time! You see, force is affected with mass and acceleration. The more force, the less acceleration, and the more mass, the more force needed. Let's say….a bunch of fangirls appeared." Ed said, opening a door full of fangirls.

"NOOO!!! NOT FANGIRLS!!" Roy yelled.

"And we tie this Roy Mustang plushie onto Mustang." Ed said, tying one onto him using a long rope.

"THE HELL?" Roy yelled.

"Less force is required to pull the plushie, and he will be able to get away from the fangirls." Ed said, suddenly in a fangirl proof room.

"YEEEEEEK!!! IT'S ROY MUSTANG!!!" The fangirls shrieked.

"Now girls, don't do anything drastic." Roy said inching away.

"GET HIM!!!" The fangirls charged at Roy.

"KYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!" Roy screamed like a scared little girl, running off. The Roy Mustang plushie bounced on the ground, easily pulled by Roy.

Ed clapped his hands, transmuting a wall in front of the fangirls. "See? Now, if we add something heavier….." Ed said, pulling out a large, golden statue of Ed and tied it to Roy.

"The hell?! What's wrong with you?!" Roy said, panting from his run.

"It would require more force to move, that Mustang might not have." Ed said, untransmutating the wall and slipping back into the fangirl proof room.

"YAY!!! GET HIM!!!" Fangirls charged once more.

"KYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!" Roy screamed, trying to run away. The giant Ed statue held him down.

Fangirls were close to Roy.

"Nooooo!!!!" Roy yelled, pulling on the rope.

The fangirls lifted Roy up. "YAY!!! WE GOT MUSTANG!!!" They yelled, running off. The Ed statue was dragged behind them, and Roy cried like a baby.

"You see?" Ed asked, wiping his forehead in relief.

"YUP!!" The audience said.

"So basically, the 2nd law of motion is all about the relationship of force, mass and acceleration." Ed concluded, bowing.

"YAAAAY!!! WE UNDERSTAND!!!" The audience said.

The door slammed open, and Roy walked back into the room, wheezing, his eyes bugging out.

"Had fun Mustang?" Ed asked innocently.

"Hell no!! Those fangirls are vicious!! They stripped me down to nothing! Nadda! Zippo! And they took pictures and recorded it!! THEY MADE A FRIGGIN MOVIE AND PUT IT ON YOUTUBE!!!!" Roy yelled.

"Oh, I gotta go see that." Ed muttered.

"WHAT WAS THAT?!" Roy yelled.

"Relax Mustang! It was for the good of the education of the next generation." Ed said, pointing to the audience. "Which leads us to out 3rd law of motion!"

"Oh, great." Roy said sarcastically.

"The 3rd law of motion is basically this! For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction!" Ed said, smiling.

Roy yawned, folding his arms.

"GASP!!!" The audience gasped.

Ed laughed. "Sounds a lot like equivalent exchange doesn't it? Well, the author DID put a lot of research before making Full Metal Alchemist." Ed said, beaming at the audience.

"Gawd, how can you be so happy?" Roy asked, sweatdropping.

"Well, when you are getting paid this amount of money…" Ed showed Roy a piece of paper with a very large number on it.

Roy's eyes bugged out. His mouth hanged open and his tongue lolled out.

"You can do just about anything." Ed said, putting the paper away.

"THE HELL?! I'M NOT EVEN GETTING PAID A FRACTION OF THAT AMOUNT!!" Roy yelled.

"That's cause I'm the main character. I'm a lot more valuable then you. And I personally know the author of this fanfic." Ed said, waving to me from backstage.

I waved back, winking. "Red Dawn!" I said, pumping my fist in the air and spilling hot chocolate on fellow back-stage hands.

"Red Dawn!" Ed said back, pumping his fist up and accidentally (maybe) punching Roy on the chin.

"RED DAWN!!!!" The fellow Rangers from the audience said, pumping their fists in the air and accidentally punching random audience members that just happened to be members of the M.S.A.

"Anyway….." Ed said, smiling at the audience. "Back to the law of motion."

Roy rubbed his chin. "That hurt Fullmetal." He whined.

Ed stuck his tongue out. "Okay, to explain the law more…." Ed transmuted a large rubber hammer, and for some reason turning chibi.

"I can make him chibi if I want!" I said, dumping hot chocolate on some guy on person.

"YOOOOOWW!!!!" Yelled the dumpee of my hot chocolate.

"Look what you did! You got my hot cocoa all over you! Now I gotta get another one!" I said, storming off. I came back, tripping with my hot chocolate flying outta my hands and onto another unfortunate person in front of me.

"YOOOOOOOW!!!!"

"You see, let's say I whack Mustang really hard with this rubber hammer!" Ed said in a cute chibi voice, holding up the hammer.

"You're gonna what?!" Roy yelled.

"Red Dawn!!" Ed said, jumping up and whacking Roy in the head with his hammer, while looking very cute and adorable doing it.

"Ooooowwwww!!!!" Roy yelled, holding the huge bump on his head.

Ed sat on the bump, grinning all chibi like.

"Owww!!!" Roy said.

"The action was me hitting Roy with a hammer. The reaction was the hammer's action stopping once it hit him." Ed explained, crossing his chibi legs and sitting back.

"GET THE HELL OFFA ME!!" Roy yelled, running around in circles.

Ed jumped off, still chibi, and transmuted a wall in mid-air, flipped a lot in a show-offy fashion, then landed on the ground in a very adorable way.

Roy slammed into the wall and fell on the ground, rolling around and holding his face.

"AWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!" The audience squealed.

"GAWD!! YOU'RE SO CUTE!!!" I said, running over to head and hugging him quickly. I let go, clearing my throat. "I don't know what came over me. Sorry." I said.

"No, that's okay." Ed the chibi said casually.

I nodded, going over to Roy, 'accidentally' spilling boiling hot chocolate and ramen on his face.

"AAAUUUUGH!!!! OWWW!!!" Roy yelled, rolling on the ground more.

"Oops. Sorry." I said, sounding like I didn't mean it, which I didn't. I waved to the audience and to Ed. "Bye, gotta go work on more fanfics. I love you all!!" I said, prancing off and just happening to step on Roy on my way back-stage.

"Owwww!! My spleen!!" Roy said, doubling over.

"Anyway, when Mustang slammed into the wall, the equal reaction was him bouncing off and hitting the ground." Ed said, still chibi. "And when she stepped on Mustang" Ed said, pointing to me, who was chucking marshmallows at the hot chocolate covered employers. "Her foot pushed on Mustang as the action, and the reaction is her moving forward in the equal amount of energy!"

"Ohhhhhh!!!!" The audience said.

"And for the grand finale!!" Ed said, pulling out a small chibi sized remote and pressing a button. The ceiling opened up.

"OOOOOOO!!!!" The audience said in amazement.

I came out again, holding a Roy sized rocket. I smiled, setting it down and pushing random buttons on it.

Roy was still moaning in pain.

Ed, still chibi, waddled over to Roy, picked him up using his awesome chibi super strength and tying him to the rocket.

"WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING ON A ROCKET?!" Roy yelled, struggling.

"Demonstrating the 3rd law of motion." Ed said, smiling as a chibi.

I press more buttons. Smoke starts coming out from the bottom. "TAKE COVER!!!!!" I yell suddenly, grabbing Ed. "TALLY HO!!!" I yelled in a british accent, throwing him like a chibi football.

"WAUGH!!!" Ed yelled as he flew through the air.

I ran to the other part of the scene thingy and caught him. "Touchdown!!" I yelled, about to throw Ed on the ground like a football.

"AUGH! NO!" Ed yelled in his chibi voice.

"Haha. I kid." I said, dancing some random dance moves. "WHOO!!"

"HEEEEELP MEEE!!!" Roy yelled, trying to get himself off the rocket.

"Everybody start counting down from 10!!!!" I yelled.

"10! 9!" The audience yelled.

"8! 7!" Ed yelled as loud as a chibi can.

"MOOOOOOOMY!!!!!" Roy yelled, crying a waterfall.

"6 5 4 3 2 1!" I yelled really quickly, pressing a button.

"WAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUGGGGHHHH!!!!!" Roy yelled, flying into the sky on the rocket.

"Woooooooooah!!!" The audience said, watching Roy fly into the sky.

"Ya'll see that!! That was a result of Newton's 3rd law!! The gases and etc. pushed on the ground and sent Roy and the rocket straight up in the sky!!" I yelled loud enough to drown out Roy's frantic screaming.

Roy and the rocket swirled around high in the air before going 'splodey. "EGYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!" Roy screamed, falling to the ground, all charred from the explosion.

"Oh no! That wouldn't be pleasant if he hit the ground!!" I said, pointing out the obvious and talking in an overly-dramatic voice.

"We should help him, cause it would be a pain to clean up the mess!!" Ed said, not chibi anymore, also talking overly-dramatic.

I nodded, taking out one of those trampoline thingies that firefighters used. "We gotcha!" I yell, as Ed grabbed the other side. We went over to where Roy was falling. "Right here!" I said, pointing to the middle.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH!!!" Roy yelled, falling toward it. He fell right through it, making a crater in the ground.

"Oooooooh." I said, looking through the Roy-shaped hole in the thin layer of rubber that was supposed to catch Roy.

"That isn't good." Ed said, sweatdropping. "You okay Mustang?"

"Mmmmhnnnn." Roy said from inside the crater that happens to be also shaped like Roy.

"Uh…. And that was Newton's Laws of Motion!" Ed said in a cheerful tone.

"The End!" I said, pulling Roy, who was flat like in those old cartoons, out of the crater.

**That was soooo weird! But so much fun to write! You can tell that a pure blooded Ranger wrote this. No, I don't hate Mustang, it's just fun to poke painful fun at him. Now I gotta do my homework cause I've been procrastinating. XD Please review!**


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